Frequently Asked Questions

Want to Talk?

Want to talk to another person living with HIV? Call the peer support helpline on 020 7713 0222, weekdays 10am to 5pm, Thursdays until 8pm.

We have compiled a selection of some of the many questions that are asked regularly on our helpline.

These questions are specific to women living with HIV, but please don't hesitate to ring us on our helpline if you have any other queries.

Am I allowed to have sex?
We are both positive - why do I have to have safe sex?
I had unprotected sex 10 years ago I think I might be HIV positive?
Do I have to disclose my status to my partner?
When should I disclose to my partner?
Should I just have relationships with positive people?
Should I disclose to my family?
My treatments make me feel awful what should I do?
Do I have to pay for my HIV treatment?
Will my contraceptive pill work if I start treatment for HIV?
I want to have a baby but I am HIV positive?
Should I breast-feed my baby?

Am I allowed to have sex?

When diagnosed you may reject sex or worry about passing the virus on. Some people experience an increase in their sexual desire others feel 'dirty' having contracted a sexually transmitted virus. All these reactions are normal.

Once you have come to terms with your diagnosis you will probably want to have sex again!

If you are not yet ready to tell your partner about your status you need to use of condoms or femidoms. This might be difficult, as a lot of men (and women) are resistant to using condoms - particularly in long relationships especially if they have not previously been used, or for cultural and religious reasons.

Safer sex is essential to protect your partner, because you cannot assume that your partner is positive just because you are. It is important to practice safe sex for you as well.

Negotiating safer sex can be difficult for many women. If you don't feel able to negotiate then it's a good idea to seek personal advice on how to be assertive about this. If you want to talk to one of our advisors you can.

Remember:

HIV is not a barrier to relationships or sex
HIV positive people need intimacy like everyone else
HIV positive people have a right to have relationships
Many positive people have relationships
HIV positive people have feelings

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We are both positive - why do I have to have safe sex?

Practising safe sex is important even if you are both positive.

There is a chance you or your partner (positive or not) could transmit:
Hepatitis
Other HIV strains, perhaps drug resistant strains
Other sexually transmitted infections

It is recommended that condoms are used during vaginal, oral (dental damns) and anal sex. You might want to use a female condom.

I had unprotected sex 10 years ago I think I might be HIV positive?

If you have ever had, unprotected vaginal or anal sex, and you are at all worried that you might be HIV positive, you should have an HIV test. Having an HIV test is the only way you will know if you are HIV positive.

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Do I have to disclose my status to my partner?

Changes in the law are making it difficult for disclosure to be solely a personal choice when it comes to disclosing to your partner, our advice is:
If you don't tell
If you have unsafe sex
If you infect someone
If they decide to prosecute
You could be in difficulty but the situation could change in the future.

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When should I disclose to my partner?

When you have chosen to tell your partner, a whole set of issues will arise. He or she may want to know why you didn't tell them earlier - in which case you may need to explain that it was important for you to become comfortable with your status and be fully informed before talking to them. You may need to discuss your partner taking an HIV test - something which they may be resistant to doing.

When you start seeing a new partner, your HIV status will inevitably be at the back of your mind. Do you tell them your status soon after you have met? Do you tell them once it seems things are becoming serious and moving to a sexual level? Or do you wait until the relationship is blossoming and you feel that a serious commitment may be on the horizon? Should you not tell them at all?

Only you can decide the best time for disclosure in a relationship, but it certainly helps if your new partner has got to know you and understands you as an individual with your own qualities. This should mean that when you tell them your status, they will see you as more than a woman living with HIV. It also helps that you are comfortable with your own status. Your attitude when you tell them could influence their reaction.

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Should I just have relationships with positive people?

Some people living with HIV believe that a partner with HIV is the perfect solution. Relationships should be based on more than a common HIV status, however - no relationship will ever work when it is based on one shared interest or quality alone.

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Should I disclose to my family?

When it comes to disclosing to your family you have to make sure that you are ready for the reaction of your family members. Some might reject you and some might give you the support you need.

Sometimes it is better to first come to terms with your diagnosis and gather information about HIV so that when you disclose to your parents or children or friends you will be able to support them and assure them that you will be alright. Again your attitude when you tell them could also influence their reaction.

If you want support with disclosing to your children Positively UK can support you around this issue. We will also give continued support to your child after the disclosure whether you are telling your child you are positive or telling them they are positive or both.

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My treatments make me feel awful what should I do?

If you are on treatment regimen that find impossible to adhere to don't be afraid to tell your doctor. You should not have to completely change your lifestyle in order to take your medication. If you want to speak to our treatment advisor then you can call for an appointment.

Some treatments have side effects. This can vary from individual to individual. You may need to make some small changes to manage the side-effects, but if they become a real problem, speak to your doctor about whether the regimen can be changed to suit you.

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Do I have to pay for my HIV treatment?

Whether or not you will have to pay for your treatment will depend on where you live and who it is prescribed by. Treatment through genitourinary clinics is currently free and patients on benefits are entitled to free prescriptions from their GP or GUM clinic.

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Will my contraceptive pill work if I start treatment for HIV?

If you are on the pill (female contraceptive pill) you need to tell your doctor. Some pills are not effective in combination with HIV treatments. Other things such as diarrhoea or taking anti-biotics may also affect the pill. Always consult your doctor if in any doubt.

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I want to have a baby but I am HIV positive?

HIV positive women can and do have children. Being HIV positive does not mean you lose your maternal instincts.

Our advice would be to discuss getting pregnant with your doctor. We can provide emotional support if you want to discuss your options with another woman living with HIV.

If you are on treatment, it is important to discuss with your doctor the treatment options during pregnancy. Some treatments should not be taken during pregnancy. Always consult your doctor if in any doubt.

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Should I breast-feed my baby?

Most doctors recommend HIV positive mothers do not breast-feed. This is because breast milk carries the HIV virus and you risk infecting you baby with HIV. There is a lot of pressure to breast feed in some countries but it is not worth risking infecting your baby. Always consult your doctor if in any doubt.

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If you have other questions relating to your HIV status then you can call one of our advisors on 020 7713 0222.

Positively UK

A national charity championing the rights of people living with HIV

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